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| 10:33pm 14/07/2004 |
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~anything below this point is from an old rp I don't wanna delete. Ignoooore!!~
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| The end is only the beginning |
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| 07:56pm 07/07/2003 |
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mood:  determined
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((one year later))
This journal...I had forgotten about it. With all that had happened, with all that will happen, it completely slipped my mind until I was closing up all of my assets. Where have I been this whole time?...that’s not important really. I was getting things together...thinking...figuring out what I wanted to do. After that last battle...after everything that happened, I had a lot to figure out.
I said once that I was mistaken. I seem to be mistaken about a lot of things in my life but I suppose that is how things go. I told someone once that to actually live hurts. And it does indeed. A lot. But we move on and the pain lessens. And one day you realize that you can go past the pain. I think I have finally managed to put the past behind me. For good. So many things happened. Most of them bad. Enough of them good for me to understand. To learn. I am returning to Earth. It has been too long. It had been too long for a lot of things.
What are my plans? I am finally going to just live. No fighting, no hating, no sadness, no anger, and most importantly, no regret. I have some people to see, some good friends that I have missed dearly, and I shall simply see how things go from there. I received the items from Maxwell...I did not read it...but I have an idea as to what it said. Thank you. It really meant a lot to me. All of it.
It will be nice to finally live my life for myself. Dreams I had when I was young, before any of the horrible disasters of war, are finally a real possibility. I had forgotten what it was like to dream.
My shuttle departs in an hour so I must end this here. I am sure this will be my last post. I no longer need to use this thing to express myself. I have people who will listen and be there for me. I have three stops in mind. One to a woman I owe the world to, another to a highschool, and another to a beach-side home. So now I go to them with nothing but hope for tomorrow. |
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| Audio recording. Battle log. |
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| 02:26pm 04/07/2003 |
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I was mistaken.
How did I see? One challenged me. One hung up on me. One hounded me. One cried for me. One threatened me...and the other...he manipulated me.
Trowa understood. Quatre had faith. Noin supported. Maxwell overcame. Yuy was steadfast. The other...only need be there. He let me feel.
So I finally understood. I finally saw what it was. They made me realize.
Zero made me come to terms. It hurt. A lot. I had that dream last night. When it is over, I have to let her go. There is only one thing left unresolved. It is insignificant. It is the most important, but only to myself. I am still undecided...I cannot know until I see.
So now I fight. No. Now we fight. Trowa is at my side. I feel reassured. His acceptance has left me with a peace I have not known for some time. I understand what it was like. There is no pity. Only approbation. He is truly a warrior in every sense. He told me I will know. I chose to believe him. I hope that what I told him gives him strength. No. I know it does. I can feel it.
We will not give up.
We will be okay. |
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| 11:04pm 13/06/2003 |
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::Live Journal user ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) xchangwufeix has put this journal in
a suspended state due to an extended absence:: |
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| ... |
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| 02:59pm 12/06/2003 |
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I am not going to delve into the events of last night too much because....well, because it was fucking annoying! And besides, Quatre covered most of it in his entry anyway (though I must add, Quatre, that I did not flash my badge because I was not in uniform - I am not in that thing all the time- I had a gun in one hand and the phone in the other, and, had I moved to do anything other then get the hell away I would have been shot or tackled, in which case I could not tell you what was going on).....I will also say, that Quatre, you are a sick sick person...a better explanation damn it!!! Not some cryptic warning! Of course I am going to look!!! That was so very wrong...so very wrong....
And can someone tell me what the hell happened to the girl I left in Maxwell's custody? For some reason it seems that only one person was arrested this morning.
The only positive side to any of this is that Noin will be happy that a certain hated politician was caught doing something illegal. If only the guards had accidentally shot him. That would have made her even happier...that reminds me, I think Noin will be rather upset when she realizes she slept through all of this -_-* That is what she gets for staying up until she passes out all the time...
Anyway, we need to find Trowa. Hopefully Dorothy's equipment will tell us what we need to know and we can make a move. It seems Quatre and Noin came up with some sort of plan in dealing with this. I shall have to ask them about it as soon as possible.
...and, as far as that other disturbing thing I saw last night....I hope the two of them have a happy life together.
I really need to get the hell out of here... |
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| 04:45am 10/06/2003 |
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mood:  blank
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I do not think I will be here when she wakes up. I can not be. Please try to understand. This is all wrong now. |
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| I am not a heroin addict! |
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| 01:15am 08/06/2003 |
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mood:  anxious music: hospital noises
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Damn-it all to hell! If one more doctor comes in here trying to give me drug counseling I am going to snap their neck! I swear it!!!
As soon as these twits let me go, or as soon as I am forced to snap a doctors neck in which case I would grant myself an early discharge, I am going to assist Noin in locating the others. She is running around here somewhere searching already. I am relatively aware of where Maxwell, Quatre, and Relena are (though I am anxious to hear their status) but I have not yet heard anything on the whereabouts of Trowa, Hilde, or Dorothy. I hope they are all safe (yes even Dorothy because I want Heero to get the info first T.T* ). I am also relieved that Noin and Une got away relatively unscathed. If anything would have happen to either of them...
Anyway, it seems we are going to be very busy soon. I can not wait to hear how they describe this whole thing on the news >.<* Also it seems I am rather lucky to be alive (or so that annoying little doctor man keeps telling me ¬.¬*). I was not directly hit, obviously because I still have the middle one third of my body, but the rounds ricocheted off of some debris and send some lovely little pieces of metal through my mid-section. They have me so pumped full of medication though that I can not yet tell how badly it really hurts and I was too light headed and woozy and ...well, I guess busy is an appropriate descriptive word, to fully realize earlier. I do find it rather amusing that they have me on so many different medications even though they think me a druggie XD
I have a distinct feeling this entry is nothing more then random blathering being as some of these medications seem to have adverse effect, such as the fact that I am more wide awake then I have ever been in my entire life O.O* And be assured I appreciate that immensely with me being in such an exciting place and all ¬.¬* |
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| My head hurts... |
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| 06:46pm 04/06/2003 |
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mood:  worried music: Atami
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I think I need a translator on hand when I talk to Maxwell...I think I have no idea what he is talking about most of the time. And Quatre told me that he does not always mean what he says...but then what the hell does he mean??!! I am seriously starting to doubt what Quatre and Noin told me...how do you have a conversation about something you are not sure about at all when you can not even bring yourself to mention it and the other person is talking around it and acting like there is not anything to talk about!!?? And now he wants to meet with me tomorrow...
...I need to find some aspirin.... |
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| Speak of the devil. |
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| 11:55pm 01/06/2003 |
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mood:  amused
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Not 10 minutes after my last entry about the incompetence surrounding me did a polite and seemingly capable young woman interested in employment come into the office. I sat down and talked to her for a bit and had her fill out the necessary paperwork. I am waiting on the results of her background check right now, after which, if everything checks out alright, I shall write up a recommendation of her for Une to review. I do hope she comes out clean and that Une likes her. I would be very grateful to have at least one officer working with me who was not a complete moron. I mean, I already have Noin to deal with. Isn't that enough punishment for one man XD I deserve a good subordinate!
And now it seems I need a new secretary >.<* I never did found out where she ran off to. |
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| Almost time... |
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| 05:04pm 01/06/2003 |
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mood:  blah
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I have been working all weekend and finally all of the preparations seem to be made for the inauguration. There are still some last minute things to attend to tomorrow evening right before the ceremony but aside from those everything is in place. The only thing I am weary about is the number of officers available for the occasion. We are in no means short handed but I refused to let any of the new recruits participate in any way so there are less officers then I would have ideally liked to be present...I just wish that out of the lot of them there was at least one that was not a complete moron. Oh well, I suppose that is hoping for too much. In a few days, after Une gets settled down, I am going to have to speak to her about getting rid of these recruits and getting some new experienced personnel.
Aside from work I have not done anything this weekend (too much to handle before the ceremony), but I have received word that Yuy has woken up, which is excellent news. I am very relieved. Also, Maxwell still has not contacted me. He seems to be sick. I suppose that is a valid excuse...I am tempted to bring him something for his cold...but at the same time I do not want to see him until he is ready to talk to me...and so far I have not heard from him since the day after the party...so...anyway, I have things to finish up. |
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| 11:49pm 29/05/2003 |
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mood: worried music: silence of an empty office
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I am worried about Yuy. Quatre called me today, with Dorothy on the line as well. I am very grateful for that. I helped as much as I could though I wish that I could have done more. Quatre has agreed to keep me informed. Again I am grateful.
I do hope that Dorothy does keep in mind my offer. Though I hate to admit it, what she has taken upon herself to do is rather honorable and despite our recent...run in, she can consider me neutral. My concern lies with Yuy so, for the time being, I have instructed that she does not hesitate to ask for my assistance.
Aside from all of that I am loaded with paperwork and reviews to do because of the upcoming Inauguration and because of the research I am still in the middle of. Noin and myself have much to organize to ensure that matters run smoothly...but at the moment I can not seem to concentrate on anything...I know I should not worry because if anyone could survive such a thing, that person is him...yet still I worry. And there are other things on my mind...things that I do not seem able to resolve...
Also, Maxwell is sick. I hope the baka does not die XD Anyway, I still have some plans to draw out before I can call it a night so I shall end this here. |
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| 02:37pm 28/05/2003 |
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mood:  infuriated
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I am leaving the office! I do not care if it is only 3:00! Now I have to kill Noin too. You traitor. I swear to the gods if one more person walks past me giggling I am going to shoot them.
Anyway, it seems that Une has won the election. That is at least some good news for me. Perhaps Quatre and Heero were correct and we were jumping to conclusions, though there is still something to be handled at this office for sure. I guess I shall wait and see what happens after Thursday. I do need time to plot the appropriate death after all.
After what happened yesterday I left Maxwell's place without getting to talk with him....maybe that was for the best...
I think I am developing a nervous twitch -_-* |
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| 09:48pm 27/05/2003 |
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mood:  predatory
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Sooooo much death!!! I am going to cause soooooo-hoh-hooooh much death!!! And slowely! Ooooh-hoh-hoh! I am going to kill her soooo slowly!!! With sharp and pointy things, and guns, and rope...oh yeeeeeessssss...there will be rope.... |
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| what the hell!! |
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| 10:46pm 26/05/2003 |
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mood:  drunk music: tv informercials turned up really loud
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So everyone left or theyre asleep! I'm all alone and I'm using baka Maxwell's computer 'cause he aint here to stop me!! You big dtupid jerk!!! Noin told me about the little kids on the playground you...jerk!! Kisama! It's been 2 years and all you do is grope me and expects me to get it! Baka!!! Baka baja bbaka baka!! And you called me stupid Yourz stupid! And why the hell is there so much porno in your living room??!! Shini-baka!! This is a really nice computer though I wonder if theres still any pizza Baka! Whered yah go!!?? Its almost midnight!! I'm gonna go clean your kitchen Buy more beer you're out! And don't forget not to let um punch you 'cause it fuckin hurtz!!! Where the hell si the aspirn |
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| It is that time... |
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| 03:51pm 24/05/2003 |
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mood:  curious
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I have finished my errands, I have written up my reports, I have slept, I have dressed, and I am armed. I suppose that means I am as ready as I can be for Maxwell's party XD |
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| Busy day... |
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| 05:24pm 23/05/2003 |
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mood:  sleepy
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I need a vacation...I have never taken one and the idea sounds splendid right now, though somehow I am positive I will not be getting the chance to anytime soon. Oh well, this is the situation I put myself into and in the end I would not have it any other way. I still have not slept, aside from the 2 hours or so I managed on the shuttle. The flight went smoothly though, and I set Yuy up in my apartment before I had to get a few supplies needed to run some errends. I have just informed Lucrezia of the conversation Une and myself had yesterday. We have made arrangements to proceed in our investigation so we shall be busy from here on out it seems.
Well I am off to continue those errands...and to find some aspirin -_-* |
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| And to think... |
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| 02:42am 23/05/2003 |
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mood:  ditzy
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I said I had tact...I really do not consider slugging someone in the face to be tactful...but well...what can I say. I found myself at Yuy's apartment on L1 at something close to midnight. I had not planned to go, I just ended up going there without much thought...though I had meant to simply talk to him, I ended up punching him in the face, thus causing a brawl to ensue. In my own defense, he was being rude when I first arrived >.<* In his own defense he is still as strong as I remember. My whole head is throbbing from where his fist connected with my face. I will apologize to him for this in the morning.
I am currently riding the shuttle back to Earth. Yuy is sitting across from me, also using a laptop.
I am still not sure how I managed to talk him into coming back with me; or why I went in the first place; or what I was talking about most of tonight. My head is pounding and not just from the punch, but from yelling so much...from having to say so much. This is the second time in two weeks I have had to say a lot more than I am accustomed to saying. I am, at least, right about one thing, this is painful...but I will try and do as Quatra instructed and endure it. I am glad I came here...I am glad we faught... and I am glad he finally understood...
I am, however, less glad that I got punched in the head XD Since I am relatively sure Yuy gave me a concussion and we still have 7 hours until we reach Earth, I think I will lie down now with some ice. Oyasumi. |
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| Maxwell is a twit! |
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| 09:24pm 22/05/2003 |
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mood:  discontent
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He hung up on me!!! >.<* Damn-it! I should not have even called him back! I did not even get a chance to ask him what I called to ask him!!!
Well...anyway, it seems that I am not the only one deeply concerned about the lack of information regarding all of the "incidents" at Preventer's headquarters Earth. Noin and myself talked things out and decided that some decisive action needs to be taken. Luckily I have finally gotten the chance to sit down with Une and talked some things out. I have been granted certain liberties so we shall see what happens from here on in.
And, for some reason I volunteered to get involved in this...situation that Maxwell and Quatra have created...I am not really sure why...especially considering the other person involved...with everything that is going on and everything that has happened in the past I do not know why I am involving myself. I have been trying to bury everything in my work but...it feels like I should try. I do not know why...I still feel uneasy about attending and yet I find myself wanting to convince him to go...and at the same time I dread meeting up with him...
Oh well, it is too late to think of such things. I have some field work to do. |
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| This is too much! |
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| 07:36pm 21/05/2003 |
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mood: infuriated
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A handful of incompetent recruits, one explosion, one set of missing security documents, and now it seems that someone was attempting to hack into Preventer's personnel files. Of particular interest to the hackers were the files of the highest ranking Preventer's officers as well as the files on quite a few people involved in the last of the wars, and you know which people I mean, I am sure. I am about two shades shy of saying fuck it to all of the appropriate modes of information gathering. I am in no mood to just sit around and wait for someone to tell me what is going on or even to go about this in any sort of diplomatic manner. |
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| Something is off... |
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| 06:56pm 20/05/2003 |
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mood:  pessimistic
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I return to the Earth based office this morning and what is here to greet me?!? This is ridiculous. These recruits are either complete morons or one of them is up to something. I am sitting here shifting through the piles of paper work caused by an accidental detonation of an explosive device involved in a training exercise that took place this afternoon under the supervision of a few other Preventer's officers. Somehow one of the devices that was to be defused during the exercise, a device that reportedly was defused, or so the supervising officers claim, went off, taking out a large area of the training grounds warehouse. Luckily there were only minor injuries as the group was retiring for the day when the explosion occurred.
I am not entirely convinced this was an accident though, being as the power was knocked out in half of the training facilities for a good five minutes. This means the security systems were temporarily down in that area. It seems rather odd that such a small explosion could cause enough damage for that to happen and even more peculiar is that the main and secondary backup generators never kicked in. Later I found out that they both dis-functioned due to a power surge. With the upcoming elections and this strange increase in trainees and now this odd incident I am beginning to fear that something is looming just ahead. Maybe I am just being foolish...but it does not hurt to be cautious. I am going to check into this incident further. |
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